He asks one of his new students to stand and.....
Prof:
So you believe in God?
Student:
Absolutely, sir.
Prof
: Is God good?
Student:
Sure.
Prof:
Is God all-powerful?
Student
: Yes.
My aunt will be down presently, Mr. Nuttel," said a very self-possessed young lady of fifteen; "in the meantime you must try and put up with me."
Framton Nuttel endeavoured to say the correct something which should duly flatter the niece of the moment without unduly discounting the aunt that was to come. Privately he doubted more than ever whether these formal visits on a succession of total strangers would do much towards helping the nerve cure which he was supposed to be undergoing.
"I know how it will be," his sister had said when he was preparing to migrate to this rural retreat; "you will bury yourself down there and not speak to a living soul, and your nerves will be worse than ever from moping. I shall just give you letters of introduction to all the people I know there. Some of them, as far as I can remember, were quite nice."
Framton wondered whether Mrs. Sappleton, the lady to whom he was presenting one of the letters of introduction came into the nice division.
Thought 1
When we are born, our mothers get the compliments and the flowers..
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity..
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
Thought 2
The average man's life consists of:
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going,
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question;
and at the end, the mourners wondering too where he is going.
The Peacock and the Tortoise
ONCE upon a time a peacock and a tortoise became great friends. The peacock lived on a tree by the banks of the stream in which the tortoise had his home. Everyday, after he had a drink of water, the peacock will dance near the stream to the amusement of his tortoise friend.
One unfortunate day, a bird-catcher caught the peacock and was about to take him away to the market. The unhappy bird begged his captor to allow him to bid his friend, the tortoise good-bye.
The bird-catcher allowed him his request and took him to the tortoise. The tortoise was greatly disturbed to see his friend a captive.
The tortoise asked the bird-catcher to let the peacock go in return for an expensive present. The bird-catcher agreed. The tortoise then, dived into the water and in a few seconds came up with a handsome pearl, to the great astonishment of the bird-catcher. As this was beyond his exceptions, he let the peacock go immediately.
The hardest thing I had to say
1.
It all started when I was 6 years old. While I was playing outside on my farm in California, I met a boy. He was an average kind of boy who teased you and then you chased them and beat them up. After that first meeting in which I beat him up we kept on meeting and beating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a little while though. We would meet at the fence all the time and we were always together.
I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet he would just listen to what I had to say. I found him easy to talk to and I could talk to him about everything. In school we had separate friends but when we got home we would always talk about what happened in school. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted me and said everything would be okay. He gave me words of encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happy and thought of him as a real friend. But I knew that there was something else about him that I liked. I thought of it that night and figured it was just a friend kinda thing that I was feeling.
Once upon a time there lived a
parrot in a forest. He was very handsome. His beak and wings were very
beautiful. His younger brother also lived with him. Both were living happily in
the forest.
One day, a hunter came to the forest. He saw the pair of the parrots and
thought, ‘These parrots are very beautiful and special. I will present them to
the king,’ He spread his net in the jungle to catch them. Soon both the parrots
were trapped
He kept them in a cage and went to the place. He said to the king, "O
king, see this beautiful pair of parrots. I caught them in the deep forest.
Seeing their beauty I decided to bring them to you. They will add to the beauty
of your palace
A disconsolate young man was
walking along a beach in southern California. What was making him sad was the
fact that his ladylove was not with him. She was in Hawaii, and he was in
California. Suddenly, on the sand in front of him, he spied what looked like a
magic lamp. "I wonder if this is one of those magic lamp, like
Aladdin's?" he mused. "I guess that there is only one way to find
out." Piking up the lamp, he began to rub it. Immediately, a genie popped
out. Let me tell you, though-this was not your usual type of genie. This was a
genie with an attitude. "Thanks for letting me out, man. It was getting a
little stuffy in there….. Anyway, you know the drill. You let me out; I grant
you one wish. So what ia your wish?"
One summer day, when tourists were lining up to enter a stately house, an old gentleman whispered to the person behind him, “Take a look at the little fellow in front of me with the poodle cut and the blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl!?” “It’s a girl,” came the angry answer. “I ought to know. She’s my daughter.” “Forgive me, sir!” apologized the old fellow. “I never dreamed you were her father.” “I’m not,” said the parent with blue jeans. “I’m her mother!”
یک روز تابستانی، وقتی جهانگردان برای وارد شدن به یک خانه با شکوه صف کشیده بودند، یک آقای مسن به آرامی به نفر پشت سر خود گفت: «یک نگاه به کودکی که جلوی من ایستاده و موهایش را مثل سگ های پشمالو آرایش کرده و شلوار جین آبی پوشیده بینداز. معلوم نیست که دختر است یا پسر؟!» شخص مقابل خشمگینانه جواب داد: «آن بچه دختر است. معلوم است که من باید این را بدانم که او دختر است! چون او دختر خود من است.» شخص مسن برای معذرت خواهی گفت: «لطفا مرا ببخشید آقای محترم! من حتی تصورش را هم نمی کردم که شما پدر آن بچه باشید.» شخص عصبانی که شلوار جین آبی هم پوشیده بود گفت: «نه نیستم! من مادر او هستم!»
THE thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could ; but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat. At length I would be avenged ; this was a point definitively settled - but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved, precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish, but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong.
It must be understood, that neither by word nor deed had I given Fortunato cause to doubt my good will. I continued, as was my wont, to smile in his face, and he did not perceive that my smile now was at the thought of his immolation
by Anton Chekhov
(1860-1904)
mp3@64kbps - 8.0MB]
[mp3@128kbps - 16.1MB]
"To whom shall I tell my grief?"
The twilight of evening. Big flakes of wet snow are whirling lazily about the street lamps, which have just been lighted, and lying in a thin soft layer on roofs, horses' backs, shoulders, caps. Iona Potapov, the sledge-driver, is all white like a ghost. He sits on the box without stirring, bent as double as the living body can be bent. If a regular snowdrift fell on him it seems as though even then he would not think it necessary to shake it off.... His little mare is white and motionless too. Her stillness, the angularity of her lines, and the stick-like straightness of her legs make her look like a halfpenny gingerbread horse. She is probably lost in thought. Anyone who has been torn away from the plough, from the familiar gray landscapes, and cast into this slough, full of monstrous lights, of unceasing uproar and hurrying people, is bound to think.
To fall in love
عاشق شدن
To laugh until it hurts your stomach
.آنقدر بخندی که دلت درد بگیره
To find mails by the thousands when you return from a
vacation.
بعد از اینکه از مسافرت برگشتی ببینی
هزار تا نامه داری
Autumn Leaves
Autumn leaves under frozen souls
Hungry hands turning soft and old
My hero cried as we stood out there in the cold
It was
late in a Lebanese restaurant, in the heat of a Lebanese night,
There was dancing, people were singing, she came in from the garden outside,
And in her eyes I saw the stars,
And I felt something happen in my heart;
Then I knew I was going to meet her in the heat of a Lebanese night,
And the girl inside the woman, who came over to sit by my side,
And when she smiled, the whole world stopped,
It was then I heard the echoes of a child;
And did you go to your bed with a sweet lullaby,
And the sound of the guns in the night,
And did you dance in the fields, did you run for your life,
From the hell that came down from the sky?
On a Lebanese night, on a Lebanese night;
We went down to the edge of the water, by the light of a Lebanese dawn,
And she told me all the stories of her beautiful land in the war,
Her tears fell down, the sun came up,
And I saw again the young girl in her eyes;
Amazing Grace
Amazing Grace! how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see
Through many dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come
'Tis grace that brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright, shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun
Amazing Grace! how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see
Was blind but now I see
Love Story
Where do i begin
To tell the story
Of how great ful love can be
The sweet love story
When I born, I black.
When I grow up, I black.
When I go in sun, I black.
When I scared, I black.
When I sick, I black and
When I die, I still black.
And you white fellow,
when you born, you pink.
مژده وصل تو کو کز سر جان برخیزم
طایر قدسم و از دام جهان برخیزم
به ولای تو که گر بنده خویشم خوانی
از سر خواجگی کون و مکان برخیزم
یا رب از ابر هدایت برسان بارانی
پیشتر زان که چو گردی ز میان برخیزم
بر سر تربت من با می و مطرب بنشین
تا به بویت ز لحد رقص کنان برخیزم
خیز و بالا بنما ای بت شیرین حرکات
کز سر جان و جهان دست فشان برخیزم
گر چه پیرم تو شبی تنگ در آغوشم کش
تا سحرگه ز کنار تو جوان برخیزم
روز مرگم نفسی مهلت دیدار بده
تا چو حافظ ز سر جان و جهان برخیزم
Once a Girl when having
a conversation with her lover, asked
یک بار دختری حین صحبت با پسری که عاشقش بود، ازش پرسید
Why do you like me..? Why do you love me
چرا دوستم داری؟ واسه چی عاشقمی؟
I can't tell the reason... but I really like you
دلیلشو نمیدونم ...اما واقعا"دوست دارم
You can't even tell me the reason... how can you say you like me
تو هیچ دلیلی رو نمی تونی عنوان کنی... پس چطور دوستم داری؟
How can you say you love me
چطور میتونی بگی عاشقمی؟
I really don't know the reason, but I can prove that I love
من جدا"دلیلشو نمیدونم، اما میتونم بهت ثابت کنم
why are hawaii islands unique in all
the world?-متن انگلیسی با ترجمه فارسی 
Hawaii is the only state that is comprised totally
of islands. How many islands are there in the Hawaiian Islands? It depends who
you ask. In what is officially the State of Hawaii, there are eight major
islands, from east to west:
the Big Island of Hawaii, Kaho'olawe, Kaua'i, Lana'i, Maui, Moloka'i, Ni'ihau
and O'ahu. These eight islands that comprise the State of Hawaii are, however,
just a small part of a much larger chain of islands.
*My
father came out, and I will take out your father!
پدرم در آمد و پدر تورا هم در میارم))
*May they take away your 'dead washer'! (مرده شورتو ببرن!)
*Ghosts of your stomach! (ارواح شکمت!)
*Don't put a hat on my head! (سرم کلاه نگذار!)
*Why are you selling me wet wood?? (چراهیزم تر بمن می
فروشی?)
*Light up my homework! (تکلیفم رو روشن کن!)
*His donkey passed the bridge. (خرش از پل گذشت)
*Cut tail! (دم بریده)
*What kind of dirt shall I put on my head? (چه خاکی بر
سرم بکنم?)
*His head is playing with his tail! (سرش با دمش (..) بازی
می کنه!)
*Pull your carpet out of the water! (گلیمتو از آب بکش!)
*Happiness has hit you under your stomach! (خوشی زده زیر
دلش!)
*Punch you so hard that electricity will come out of your eyes!
(چنان بزنم که برق از چشمت بپره!)
My heart will go on
Every night in my dreams. I see you. I feel you
That is how I know you go on
Far across the distance and spaces between US
You have come to show you go on
Near. Far. Wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more. You open the door
And you re here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Love can touch US one time
And last for a lifetime
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten
black and blue.....
زنی با سر و صورت کبود و زخمی سراغ دکتر میره
Doctor: "What happened?"
دکتر می پرسه: چه اتفاقی افتاده؟
Woman:
"Doctor, I don't know what to do.Every time my husband comes home drunk he
beats me to a pulp..."
خانم در جواب میگه: دکتر، دیگه نمی
دونم چکار کنم.هر وقت شوهرم مست میاد خونه، منو زیر مشت و لگد له می کنه.
- Would you like to have dinner with us on... ?
آیا میل داریید شام را با ما در ... صرف کنید ( بخورید ) ؟
- May I invite you for lunch ?
با اجازه شما را برای نهار دعوت می کنم ؟
Why Hijab ?
1)Modest Clothing
2)Hijab and the West
3)My body is my own business
4)Let’s see what the science says about Hijab
5)Some facts of America
MODEST CLOTHING:
Many non-Muslims feel sorry for any Muslim women they see adorned in their modest clothing. They feel that they are deprived the freedom to roam around in more scant and revealing clothing. Anyone who lives in a manner other that which they have become accustomed to is seen by them to be oppressed and forced to live in this manner. There are certain tribes in the Amazon jungle, in Australia, and in Africa which have become accustomed to walking around in a simple g-string around their waist. What would the people of the West say if these people were to condemn the Western habit of “forcing” their women to wear “excessive amounts of clothing” and to demand that all women in the west immediately stop wearing anything but the simplest g-string around their waist? What if they were to say that the Western society should immediately stop unjustly persecuting their women and preventing them from freely roaming the streets wearing only a pair of socks? They would say that the people making these demands have no morals or shame. Philosophers would have a field day with such a question.
My Wife Navaz Called
همسرم
نواز با صدای بلند گفت
How Long Will You Be With That
Newspaper?
تا
کی می خوای سرتو توی اون روزنامه فرو کنی؟
Will U Come Here And Make UR Darling
Daughter Eat Her Food?
میشه
بیای و به دختر جونت بگی غذاشو بخوره؟
Husband Tossed The Paper Away And
Rushed To The Scene
شوهر
روزنامه رو به کناری انداخت و بسوی آنها رفت
My Only Daughter Ava, Looked
Frightened
تنها
دخترم آوا، بنظر وحشت زده می آمد
Tears Were Welling Up In Her Eyes
Customer: I really need some help. After much consideration, I’ve decided to install LOVE. Can you guide me through the process?
Tech Support: Yes, I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?
Customer: Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready to install it now. What do I do?
Tech Support: The first step is to open your HEART. Have you located your HEART?
Customer: Yes, I have, but there are several other programs running right now. Is it okay to install while they are running?
Tech Support: What programs are running?
مشتری:من به کمک نیاز دارم.بعد از تفکر زیاد،تصمیم گرفتم عشق رو نصب کنم.می توانی از طریق دستور العمل کمکم کنی ؟
پشتیبان فنی:بله می توانم .آیا شما حاضر به انجام دستورالعمل هستید؟
مشتری:خوب من خیلی تکنیکی نیستم،اما فکر میکنم حاضرم حالا اونو نصب کنم
پ: اولین مرحله اینه که قلبتونو باز کنید.آیا قلبتو مستقر کردی؟
م: بله اما چند برنامه دیگر هم اکنون در حال اجراست.چه کار کنم؟اشکالی نداره که در حال اجرای اون برنامه ها،عشق رو نصب کنیم؟
پ: چه برنامه هایی در حال اجراست؟
There are three questions below. Some religion’s traditions in fasting are arranged according the questions below:
When they fast?
How they fast?
Why they fast?
Baha’i
1- The Baha’i fast takes place during Ala, the 19th month of the Baha’í year, from March 2-20.
2- Abstain from food and drink from sunrise to sunset.
3- To focus on love of God and spiritual matters.
بهایی
1- روزه بهایی ها در نوزدهمین نوزدهم ماه آلا”ماه بهایی ها”- از دوم تا بیستم مارس- است
2-پرهیز از غذا خوردن از طلوع خورشید تا غروب
3-برای متمرکز کردن عشق شان به خدا و امور معنوی
Now I’ve been happy lately
thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be
something good has begun
Oh I’ve been smiling lately
dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be
some day it’s going to come
ترانه قطار صلح یوسف اسلام
این اواخر شاد و خوشحال بوده ام
و به فکر اتفاقات خوشی که خواهد افتاد
و ایمان دارم که چنین خواهد بود.
اتفاقات خوشی شروع شده است!
این اواخر خوش و خندان بوده ام.
در رویای دنیای واحد و یگانه
و ایمان دارم که چنین خواهد بود!
روزی فرا خواهد رسید!
Philosophy of water therapy medicine:
This method is a positive house – cleaning for body and it cause that all
systems and cells of body become clean and it brings disease factors out and it
is firm in two principles:
first principle- some foods pass through the digestive system , due to eating different foods and they did not spent to body cells and they were stored under skin and around heart and other sensitive centers of body and after some time they will make different infection and they will cause variety diseases and as much as the rate of infection and quantity of additional materials are more , the disease will be more intense and it tooks different names , but basis and root of these illnesses is not same and it is the growth of microbe and virus , because their life are possible in a environment that there are many simoom and excessive food stuffs.
It is the month of April, on the shores of the Black Sea . It is
raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough
times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
ماه آوريل است، درکنار يکي از سواحل درياي سياه باران مي بارد، و شهر کوچک همانند صحرا خالي بنظر مي رسد. درست هنگامي است که همه در يک بدهکاري بسر مي برند و هر کدام برمبناي اعتبارشان زندگي را گذران مي کنند.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the
reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in
order to pick one.
ناگهان، يک مرد بسيار ثروتمند وارد شهر مي شود. او وارد تنهاهتلي که در اين ساحل است مي شود، اسکناس 100 يوروئي را روي پيشخوان هتل ميگذارد و براي بازديد اتاق هتل و انتخاب آن به طبقه بالا مي رود
به نام خدا